path of healing
walk through the shadows of pain, toward the light of renewal. Face your wounds, embrace the truth that it’s okay not to be okay, and choosing, step by step, to move forward.
How will you heal?
father's words
See my father is a flawed man
Always like to argue
Starting problems
When there’s calm wind
Thunderous shouts
And when he talks
Its always negative that comes out his mouth
Like does he know that he’s putting us down?
Can’t figure out
But I fantasize a day when mom is kicking em out
And leave his ass on the curb
And then a lesson is learned
No conversation
Ever leads to happy days with the birds
All we wanting is peace
I mean this shit is absurd
I ain’t got no time for this shit
How many times do I allow this man to call me a bitch?
Until we throwing some fist
I’ll be the bigger man
Maybe I could understand
See my father is flawed man
victim of his past
And if you ask
He never saw a thing
Til’ he get some alcohol
Them problems start to spawn big
Tears in his eyes
That’s how he’s standing here before me
With the things that he hides
A body full of battle scars
Is that a warriors bond?
What kinda trauma he endure?
And how he made it this far?
These are questions that I ask
But he’s brushing me off
I wanna talk
In hopes that I’m the one that’s healing his heart
And so I grabbed a glass and bottle than I poured us a shot
Don’t you stop, he said
Until my shit is touching the top
Began to reminisce
Funny times when I was a kid
And Every time that we would laugh
Know we taking a sip
But that’s enough about my childhood
I asked about his
I’d like to know some more about him
No mysterious shit
And then his smile fades
Energy got serious
Guess I hit a trigger
Cause my father got belligerent
“See them niggas used to fuck with me
Family would fuck with me
Neighborhood would jump me
I’m the youngest out of only 3
I would cry
Til my father told me ain’t no tough In me
Then put hands on my momma
She was drunk so she ain’t feel a thing
I realized it’s key for my survival
never show my weak
We would slide
Shooting at our rivals just like every week
Know a man don’t ever weep
I ain’t never have no fears
don’t you think that imma bitch
Even if I shed these tears”
lost faith
I apologize
All the ones I’m letting down
You don’t see the pain in me
Pray one day I let it out
I’m the one who’s saving me
Still I’m never putting on that cape
A phony face is what I wear
It’s like these feelings I can’t shake
Like what is wrong with me?
Always say the darkest things
Swear I wanna live
But I’m scared of what be haunting me
Tell me how to heal
Tell me why it’s hard to escape
All these thoughts in the dark
Cause that light couldn’t change
I be Busy with my scary thoughts
How to stop a beating heart?
Feeling feeling lost
Ain’t have no conversations
Only talk to god
Pray I never piss him off
Like how i rid the dark?
Been in isolation
Need some saving
Still I’m standing tall
And thru the fog I walked
A thousand steps I couldn’t see at all
No light
Pain was on my chest i couldn’t get it off
Filled with paranoia it’s annoying
Think I’m being stalked
You never saw the things I did enjoy
When I was feeling strong
A different time
I had a light in me
I can’t believe it’s gone
The Biggest smile
I was a child indeed
But now a nigga grown
Is Jesus picking favorites?
Don’t punish me if I think the shit
I just need some saving I’m praying
But losing faith in shit
I might go insane because can’t escape my psyche
I’m in so much pain I be a slave an I don’t like it
Tried to run away
Tears all on my face I’m sick of fighting
Name a better place
Think I’d feel the safest when I’m lifeless
I have little faith inside
But never say cuz they be watching
I learned to fake a smile
And add a wave to keep them walking
Tell me how’d I stray from god?
Ain’t read a page we was toddlers
Shouldn’t be surprised of all the things
That always happen
save me
There’s a dead man in the water
Y’all should come wit me and see
lotta blood a lotta sorrow
Tried to float but yet he sinked
wanna make it to tomorrow
I don’t wanna rest in peace
But I guess that be my problem
Baby, I don’t ever sleep
So who can save me?
I need some saving
Tell my momma I’m sorry her little boy is gone
The time we have is borrowed
I’ll give it back to the owners arms
Just me and all my sorrows
Don’t wanna talk
Don’t you get involved
The many things I’ve bottled
Its to the top and I’ve had enough
This ain’t a bluff its funny
Cause I was tuff until I wasn’t
Men don’t ever cry you see
Honestly
I never mutter
But my tears made me a puddle
Im making a splash
And its more than I expected
I don’t wanna be sad
Feel like I’m drowning
noticed that I gotta save myself
Try to stand strong
I had put my faith in someone else
That’s a big flaw
Tell me how to win against the odds?
Cause im scared, lost
When it gets dark….
See that im the enemy
The Mirror makes a scary face
in my mind there’s 10 0f me
Many thoughts I can’t escape
I wanna get away
I think that path is in the grave
It sucks to say
That’s all I think about
I really be a slave
Cant break these chains
I learned to fake a smile
But holding so much pain
Honestly its been couple months
Since ive went insane
Have you ever gave someone your trust
And then you been betrayed?
don't jump
I just wanna wish peace to your mind
Know you can’t sleep but you tired
Probably wonder what we’d think you you died
I don’t ever wanna see your demise
Careful when I speak
But I know you got some demons you hide
I can see it in your eyes
Wanna be free from it all
Thinking that you’d be free if you fall
But you landed in my arms
In my bed full of sorrows I made a song for the lost souls
Truly at the bottom you shot a call just to talk
I declined and brushed ya off I apologize cause my heart cold
Thought about your problems won’t let you wonder in dark
Gave a call back
Found ya name ya phone begins to ring
You declined, the voice had told me leave a message at the beep
Shot a text back
Another call and longer was the ring
I had got to you tho you done made it hard for me to reach
Said I’m sorry we ain’t speak
You said feet is on the edge
You held that muzzle to ya head
If I ain’t call then you might leap
It’s awful how I think
My brother almost lost to his demons
Imma free him from his thoughts
He in need
Oh my god
break free
I think its time for me to leave this room
Been inside these walls for far to long
I got some shit do
Grown Man
Gotta take initiative some shit to prove
Only to myself
So save ya breath
Cause who the fuck are you?
I stand
Taller than I ever have
10’2
My eyes
Wider than they’ve ever been
See through
Everything
Wiser as I age
I’ll be flying out this cage
Will you silence all the pain that’s inside of you?
​
I think its time for me to leave this room
Been inside these walls for far to long
I got some shit do
Fresh air
Fill inside my lungs
I used to be a fool
Hard head
Swore I knew it all
But didn’t have a clue
Got scared
Didn’t want no trouble yeah
Comfort in my bubble
All the pieces to that puzzle
Just ain’t wanna fit
Terrified
Sitting all alone
I didn’t wanna move
Wasting time
Danger to myself
My thoughts were being rude
I survived
I think its time for me to leave this room
Stuck behind these walls for far to long
That ain’t mean shit to you
Sick of feeling lost
A Beating heart
My demons call it food
They’ll swallow soon
Maybe then they coughing up the truth
I be a man of many different faces
Aways had to fake It
Running out of patience
I gotta move
Feel like I’ve been suffering for years
My anger had turned to tears
I’ll say this shit for ya ears
Bitch im breaking loose
Imma live my life now
Y’all thought I had tapped out
Funny how I crack smiles
Really been depressed
Imma find my path
Cause im sick of sitting sad
Im not knowing where im at
But I’m starting with a step
I’ll be walking with my chest out
Gotta keep my chin high
Worried bout my book end
If I shall confess
But that’s something I can’t stress now
I just gotta get by
cant get in my head now
Imma give my best
first step
Finally taking a step
Breaking the chains that was stuck to my neck
Healing from pain like I paid all my debts
Im tryna kill all the stress
Family hurting they never address
Suffer in silence I bet
things I inherit ain’t ask for this shit
I cannot stay here
There so much pain
Im Getting away
I gotta find me a path
Fuck sitting here sad
Im willing to give what it takes
I’ll embrace all the pain
The mistakes that I made
Drove me insane
Learned to forgive myself
My mental health
was putting my foot in the grave
The things I don’t say
Was piling up I got stuck in a phase
Full of depressing the pressure was great
Morph to a diamond I’m shining all day
What can I say
Was battle tested
my weapon was putting this pen to the page
A dream that I’m chasing
Now I’m relaying the message that you the wearing the cape
Cause no one can save you
Save ya self
I was filled with emotions ain’t never felt
Like I’m stuck in a ocean I sink or swim
Like I’m stuck in a ocean I sink or swim
Well fuck it I’ll float
I got that quote from a goat
I wish I could give him a toast
Shows nobody knows
The kinda weight that you carry
You think that its scary?
Then wait til you sitting alone
Get up and go
Feeling amazing tho im at a low
Learn you some patience cause progress is slow
I set the pace of this path that I’m on
Know that I’ll make it my power is strong
I found my faith and provided a song
Heard The first step is the hardest to take
I was fucked up so I’m back the road
hidden path
I wandered through the thickest fog
Couldn’t see my hands
And I be scared
ain’t know which way to walk
felt the extra weight with every step
The racing of my heart
Think I’m bout to panic
I ain’t plan to make it out this far
Try to be a man
Cause I’ve been standing here for way to long
I think I’m too afraid to make mistakes
Change my fate by facing fears
I need to clear the way
switch my pace
And then I persevere
I feel the pain
Cant Stand the ache
It’s like there’s razors in the air
I swear
Sucks that I had normalize
the lies I tell my self
Tried to find a piece of mind
Ain’t know I needed help
Tears upon my frowning face
I’m seeing shapes
They shifting in this fog
Can’t see at all
Im never feeling safe
Pray somebody saving me
can’t identify the things that hide
They plot on taking me
I ain’t even got the strength to fight
Im falling to my knees
Hear my demons creeping up
I be all defeated
Plus I’m bleeding
I got many cuts
“Hey baby boy”
A voice had pierced my ears
“Can you tell me why you crying?”
I just wanna disappear I said
Im full of fear
And I be uncertain with my steps
Man this shit is weird
“I can sense there’s pressure on ya chest”
I had looked and seen a silhouette
And it extended arms
It had the softest hands
So I wasn’t scared at all
And the voice was really calm
“You gotta rise your head”
“Take more steps”
“Never should you be content with sitting still”
I admit I always doubt myself
Plus this fog is thick
I don’t even know where I be going
“thats just how it is”
“Life us full of trials and tribulations”
“Don’t you ever quit”
But my traumas always weigh me down
That could get me killed
“Find the path to heal”
“You gonna be alright”
I don’t even know where that shit is
“You gotta see the light”
“Take a breath”
“Find the truth through god”
“Open up your heart”
“Don’t forget”
“You are not alone”
But my soul has
some questioning
“Close your mouth”
“And listen to these words”
“That’ll set you free”
“Understand you be full of hurt”
“Reason why you scream”
Try to get these scribbles out my head
So I take advice
Finally this fog it starts to clear
I have better sight
path to heal
Finally I found the path
Heavy feet I always drag
In search of peace
All the things that’s hurting me
No one asks
To my relief
Angels came and spoke to me
When I was sad
My hands it grabbed
told not to worry cause she got my back
Teary eyed
Father always told me im to tuff to cry
But I choose to let him down
Feeling free no more disguise
Never knew the pain that’s sitting in had gotten oversized
I wonder was it granny speaking to me from the other side
Never mind
Think about this path of mine, I visualize
The finish line
And everything that’s in between
From then to now
I can see it now
Sunrise give kisses to my skin
Me and My wife
True love
Got a couple M’s
And my life is full of passion I make music at the crib
By the time I’m down recording I done made another M
Meditation
All the stress is minimal you see
I leaned toEase my mind
I’m made that shit my principal
Believe
I got some Better patience
I don’t even think of smoking weed
Don’t need no medication
I had tamed the pain that be in me
I got many fans
So many hands
Is always reaching out
When I be in those stages
It’s a blessing
That I made it out
Me and mic
And all the other guys
Got Healthy bank accounts
The feelings proud
We made our mothers cry
When buying them a house
The thing that’s keeping me alive
Is all these fantasies
If I stay upon this healing path
Then maybe then you’ll see
The winning me
I’ll heal from my past
And chase that vision see
Imma break the chains
that hold me back
And reach the summit peak
I want Peace within my heart
rid the dark
No more violent thoughts
Everything is love
A new start
I deserve it all
Think about the legacy I’ll leave
Be brighter than the stars
I See me as a legend in the end
Mural in the walls
Do I heal from traumas or do I die from this shit?
Imagine me and all my problems while living life in pretend
I’m convinced
Im never thought of
If I stray from this path
What if I never ever heal?
And always sitting here sad
I can see it now
Moonlight
Piercing thru that glass
Still wear a mask
I’m quick to say I’m fine
Whenever niggas ask
sit alone inside the darkest room
Got poison in that flask
yearn for something that’s a 100 proof
To run away from past
Im always mad
speaking positive
Just know I’m bound to spazz
matter fact
just stay away from me
Be on the brink of crashing
Some pain you just can’t fathom
Hope I’m never moving backward
It’s a pattern
Man that’s sucks to say
That’s sounding like my daddy
And that path would be so tragic
I can not let it be
Go insane inside my brain
Then that would be the death of me
I feel it in my chest
I try my best to not to rest in peace
Got Anger in my heart
I don’t resolve
And kill the better me
I better pick a path
Been sitting here in limbo
Turn in to a madman
Jumping out that window
Throw flowers on my casket
if I choose To lose my mental
I hope that doesn’t happen
Man this healing is essential
