THE HIDDEN FACE

Smiles can lie but behind the mask....

quiet wars, sleepless wounds,
truths too heavy to carry in the open.
this album is a portrait of pretending
a voice cracking beneath the surface.
I wore the face they wanted to see,
while pain made a home behind my eyes.
This is what it sounds like when silence finally speaks.

an old hand of a black grandmother resting in lap.jpg

GRAMS

I started smoking when my granny passed

all the ways that I’ve be coping never heals me fast

you never notice when I’m feeling sad

my room covered in some roaches

shit I’m high as fuck

only on my second blunt

Grams would be ashamed of me

if she had seen me roll this up

i'm fucking up

I keep on spilling weed all on my lap

I try to dust it up

no I’m not a fein don’t call me that

I just can’t waste a crumb

memories

close my eyes to see you smiling vividly

I should’ve spent more time with you

the love you give is definitely needed

fighting demons

all my battles no one sees them

I just suffer quietly

they eyeing me

I shoot a smile

just to deceive them

Shit

and you did the same

I think that’s why I admire you

the strength you had was never fake

I pray I get as high as you

Im just a couple puffs away

I’m not liking grieving you

wish that I could see yo face

I don’t care the charge I’ll hit the plug

and when I’m done with this

well shit I’ll probably roll another up

burning lungs I’m feeling numb inside

a gram is not enough

I take a puff

until I’m stuck high ain’t never long enough

CONVERSATIONS

conversations

father god

pray you hear my cries you see

I meditate to ease my mind

feelings I can’t shake

I wish better days for me and mine

wonder what it takes

to get a bigger plate to wine and dine

I ain’t feeling fine

look into my eyes

you’ll probably see a light

pray it never fades but then some days

this light ain’t shining bright

try to fight

spitting all these raps I just might save a life

including mine

I pray to god I find some peace cause I need it

I’m minimizing

til’ you find out that I sleep with my demons

but yet I’m standing tall

anxiety consumes the life of me

like how I get it gone and what’s the cause?

was I too reclusive writing all these songs?

LESS A MAN

I apologies cause I feel like I’m less a man

when I do vent

so don’t you try to pry

cause you won’t find a thing

see I’d rather tell a joke

and hear you laugh about it

cause I’m bound to cry about it

you won’t ever hear the fucking end

so much doubt in me

(I feel like I’m behind in this life)

I need to find some peace

(granny looking down from up high)

ain’t got it figured out

learned to shoot deceiving smiles

ain’t nobody checking on me

I hope the weed does free me now

I see that Father Time been creeping

I’ve been stationary

dwelling on the past

that’s the reason for this hate I carry

ain’t it scary

everything you love is only temporary

try to learn to cherish it

everything will perish yeah

Hidden in them eyes there be a light

but you can’t tell it’s there

How I hold my trauma

all my demons call me selfish yeah

me and all my problems

try to keep ‘em in that cage

I got fears of being judge

you wont even see my pain nah

Many lesions on my backs

if you see them would you stay?

I was feeling I would crash

but you can’t see it in my face

can you sit all alone with your thoughts?

no distractions from the phone

with many holes in your heart?

REVERIE

I be chilling in my make believe

this reverie I got

it bends the fabrics of reality

that’s why I work so hard to kill the niggas who had doubted me

these tears and shit

boy I put my soul inside these songs I sing

like free me now

I had told my brody that we’re closer

Just gotta bend the round

tried to vent to shorty

called me soft

so she can’t hold me down

me and my emotions and shit

my doctor said it’s time to pop a few

I told him to quit

and then I rolled me a spliff

the plug had knew I’m going through it

and threw some more in the zip

with shaking hands that lighter spark

and then I started to lift

don’t bring me down

I do not feel like talking you know my phone be on dnd

smoking in the dark cause I don’t want nobody seeing me

I fantasize and feeling free

spread my wings the things I see

I close my eyes a vivid dream

I be chilling in my make believe

this reverie I got

it bends the fabrics of reality

that’s why I work so hard to kill the niggas who had doubted me

tears and shit

boy I put my soul inside these songs I sing

and smokey clouds

puff away anxiety I’m paranoid ain’t calming down

matter fact it just intensified I’m such a fucking clown

quiver in the darkness in my room and it begins to spin

heart be pounding hard

I start to fall

is this the fucking end?

I tried to breathe

not another casualty

laying on the ground

I look around

my eyes ain’t focusing

all these rapid thoughts inside my head

I need a savior

stumble when I walk can’t get a grip I can’t escape it

Like bring me down

first person point of view from back seat of a car.jpg

BACKSEAT STORY

back seat chilling wit my niggas cruising thru the night

they popped out for my performance kilt that shit but here we are

that lighter spark

feel the vibe and start to fantasize

we get a call

it was brody said he feeling hot

he wasn’t out this evening

he be in and out of beefing

he sound traumatized, belligerent,

a homicide he feining cause his cousin died

I never heard em cry

It was silence in our seatings we ain’t make a sound to help him out

How can I help him with his grieving though

as he speaks, I hear the pain inside his voice through the speaker phone

so help him god, I feel his tears and sorrow while he screaming

don’t believe it, in his mind he found a plot and started speaking

He Said:

“the niggas that had slid in my cousin and left him bloody

need to feel the type of shit that I’m feeling ain’t no discussion

see I seen that nigga less as my cuz more so my brother

y’all should come and scoop I’m at the crib let’s do some hunting

bring that fye, yeah these niggas gotta die boy I swear to god”

Then we agreed to meet him, heart is beating wasn’t bout that life

but too afraid to speak up now the vehicle is speeding

if I should ride this summer night my dreams on fire for these reasons

still not speaking, then my nigga driving said “we on the way”

“you can use my .45 or would you rather use the K?”

but in my mind I ran race had thoughts on what would momma think

but sympathize cause if you come for mine, a 9 would leave you ate

another right up at the light and we would finally arrive

i’m still sitting here in silence not a peep from my side

I wasn’t bold enough would be disrespectful if I opted out

soon as we pull up that nigga said “nah bruh you hopping out, this ain’t ya beef!

means a lot you in this seat, but I see light up in your eyes

don’t dim it out because of me see we can drop you off!

the raps you write always inspire me and if I don’t return

pray to god you fly as high as me.”

I was moved by his words

tried to save his life in return

my persuasion was on ice no ta a burn

mind made

brody really blinded but his hurt

that car ride was all in silence til we got to mommas curb

CLARITY

I’m at my max lord

all this life,

sometimes I wanna give it back lord

see I ain’t ask for this

I’m haunted by my past lord

regret my actions

wished I chose another path lord

another question

Why you give us all this life,

if you gon take it in the end?

If I gotta say goodbye,

then what’s the point of making friends?

why I’m feeling all this pain?

you see I’m sick of shedding tears

and what’s the point of saying prayer if my granny didn’t live?

see I’m alone

that’s why I sing these songs

I gotta find some comfort

I can’t get it in my home

so you know I’m the road

swerve

What’s the point of all this venting?

I ain’t heard

All I’m hearing is just stand tall nigga

it gonna get better

see I’m in a big storm nigga

I’m sick of this weather

tryna rid this stress

demons alway chipping at my chest

(I need some clarity

this weight it keeps on breaking me down

I know I need some therapy

I feel like I’ve got blind)

can somebody get this weight up off my chess

My apologies for showing contempt

it’s just I got a lotta doubt in me

I hope you forgive

and im just trying find some clarity

I’m getting kinda scared you see

I need someone to carry me

hen hand me a spliff

I know I suffered lots of trauma I won’t ever forget

but that shits be apart of life I guess it is what it is

I got my eye close

sleeping thru my bad days

why I’m sitting sad for?

let me get my facts straight

I know that I’m good

hope that be day I’m killing my anxiety

I’m sick of all this shaking

feel like scribbles be inside of me

im so cold

granny looking down I know she proud of me

a pure soul

hit the lucky ticket like the lottery

momma raised a prophet so I can’t fold

the only person that can stop me is myself

ain’t no limit to my power I can’t plateau

lord protect me and my peoples mental health

I remember certain days I would crash out

In my head I ain’t think I would make it

But I made it thru that struggle look back now

any problem that gets thrown at me I face it

a beautiful tree on top of a hill with cloud in the sky.jpg

I BELIEVE IN ME

Sometimes I sit back and laugh

all of this time that I’m wasting

this dream that I’m chasing

it’s driving me mad

swear that I need me a bag

swear that I need me a dub

feel like I’m going out sad

hope that I find me a girl

one I can bring to the pad

I gotta live in this world

spent to much time in my head

man in the mirror said I’m the true villain

I know you can’t tell but I’m scared

I’m terrified

that we all die

what is it like in the end?

gotta spend time with my friends

know I haven’t seen em in years

mike really got him some kids

asking him “how does it feel?”

still lay at my momma crib

scheming and dreaming a man on a mission I gotta go get me a meal

niggas be starving fr

I believe in me

paranoia with a puff, still hit it

not enjoying all this stuff, forget it

I inhale then I’m stuck

if I fall then it’s up

alcohol in my cup

I got pain in my gut

guess it’s time for the crunch

I ain’t had no lunch

I ain’t smile In months

hold me down for the clutch, let’s get it

still ain’t found no love

guess that shits for the doves, im wingless

shorty called me a bum

i can’t give her what she wants

I can’t get her what she wants

but guess what, I believe in me

I deeply appreciate you for listening to this project, let alone reading the lyrics.

'GRAMS'

I used weed as a way to cope with the loss of my granny. 'GRAMS' became my biggest song. It's a personal favorite of mine. I think there's something poetic about that song blowing up the way it.

'CONVERSATIONS'

this was the first song to be recorded on the album. I knew right away I wanted jmack on this track. I remember waiting weeks for the verse. It was worth it.

'LESS A MAN'

It was insane to collaborate with WESTSIDE BOOGIE. a west coast legend is part of my discography. I get to say that. the whole experience was surreal.

'REVERIE'

This song almost didn't make the album.

I felt like it was too dark, but the I grew to love the song. It's based on a real anxiety attack I had.

'BACKSEAT STORY'

This was a real story that happened back in 2019. This song is heavy. I relive that night each time I hear it. (thank you Dkrazy for bringing it to life.)

'CLARITY'

Melina.....if you're reading this, I don't know if I even told you how much this hook moved me. It spoke directly to my soul. I thank you so much. The whole song is special.

'I BELEIVE IN ME'

this song was a freestyle I did on a whim. It later became a mantra I would say daily. I'm really glad its made.