'for the lost ones'

for the lost ones is a quiet cry in the dark.

Five tracks and scattered voice memos

for those drifting through the weight of living.

No answers. Just honesty.

A hand reaching back into the fog.

lost

all the things that I’ve been dealing

can you heal me?

they had told me I could do it by myself

(but I’m thinking that they lied)

all this pain that I be feeling

imma villain in the making

I don’t even need your help

(don’t you look into my eyes)

I be feeling so low

so cold

I hope

they don’t ever hear me yell

(better keep that shit inside)

father said don’t shed no tears

better learn to face your fears

and chugged a bottle by himself

(I be praying to the sky)

damn

I need a blunt in this bitch

I’m feeling down I pray this high don’t leave me stuck in this bitch

The biggest smile is my disguise don’t call my bluff in this bitch

The scary sound of silence left me paranoid in this bitch

I have the loudest thoughts

another tragedy if I don’t quiet them

every time I speak I seem to tire you

or piss you off

so I don’t call

terrible at showing my emotions

and plus I’m always sad

why would I drown you in this ocean

full of tears

can you hold me near?

In my darkest times

Can you prove that you’re a friend?

all the other ones had left

who be with me til the end?

they don’t fuck with me because the problems that I share

so I’d rather hold em in

I need some more love

my self love ain’t getting it done

I got my toes upon the edge my demons told me jump

they think I’m pussy don’t they?

they think I’m clueless huh?

they’re ain’t no faith inside of me

I just might do it yeah

I see the look upon yo face

but it way to late

You’re looking at soul that ain’t worth saving

fuck them pearly gates

I swear to god

I did so much wrong inside my life

I guess I be a fraud

faking all my happy

keep laughing

there’s a war inside

I pray it quiets down

How do I silence them?

I know you’re not aware

I feel like tapping out

somebody help me out

I’m getting kinda scared

for all the time that I was losing my mind

you said you’ll alway be right there

but yet you ain’t to be found

just be a man go take you licks

and just pretend to be proud

somebody got it worse than you

why you sitting in doubt?

you must be soft.

guilt

I’m not as good as what you thought so don’t look up to me

I hope you learn from my mistakes

and don’t be fake as me

truth be told I tried to run

these demons chasing me

I be sitting in the dark

I know my traumas ain’t recognized

I still feel them tho

I Tried to go to therapy

they telling me

keep standing strong

I’m here alone

this blunt will set me free

until its fucking gone

unless I overthink

I also drink

but keep that on the low

don’t let ‘em know

life with anxiety

can’t get these scribbles out of me

I always sit in silence

but these demons steady shout at me

still I’m always smiling

In an hour I might cry to sleep

Can’t find some peace of mind

I think sometimes Is best to rest in peace

Sorry for the sorrows that I spit

I need another shrink

terrified

these teary eyes I got

the reason I can’t see

It’s scary times

I’m very blind indeed

so don’t you follow me

Cause you might fall

I almost took my fathers life

I’m filled with guilt

seen the fear inside his eyes

was my first I seen him scared

I was feining for a high

I ain’t know he took a sip

got All this pain inside my ribs

and I just hope that he forgive me

I be fucking up

I traumatized my momma with that stunt

she went poker face

emotionless

disgusted with her son

man this weight is heavy

all the pain I caused the family

It’s getting kinda scary

I know I’m lost so can you pray for me

because I need it.

yeah

I’m fighting demons

everybody gotta battle

but I think I need some treatment

can’t you see?

Pray for me

eerie scribbles in a zig-zag pattern_edi

reap

looking for the reaper with a cleaver in my hand

Imma cut him into pieces maybe she could live again

I believe he be a thief

always taking what ain’t his

all I wanted was some peace

now I’m out for my revenge

Imma hunt him down

just know I’m standing easy on my ten

many seasons he be reaping

maybe scheming on ya friends

him and Father Time

finally I’m seeing them as twins

red inside my eyes

really tryna leave him inna ditch

all the nights I cried

losing out on sleep I’m feeling sick

nobody taught me how to grieve

reality is setting in

everything is temporary

nothings fleeing from his grip

I’ll be waiting with a blunt

when he visits me again

imma kill the reaper with his scythe

I’ll be creeping with a doobie and a hoodie in the night

plus the moon is out

all this fog it represents my mind

I can’t wait to hunt down

tears

Can you tell my why a nigga always sitting by him self?

they can’t hear me when I yell

they don’t feel me

I be sitting

in my feelings

send me help

inna minute imma jump

I don’t care bout how they felt

demons left me with some lumps

and now I’m hanging by a belt

they don’t know that I’m depressed

always saying that I’m good

know I’m quick to make you laugh

I ain’t never understood

man this life shit be a joke

I’m still praying for the best

why I’m dealing with this pain

I can feel it in my chest

I confess

I be stressed

but they don’t ever wanna check

they got problems if there own

my shit be around my neck

I don’t care

my regrets

I got many in my head

and that list is really long

I got blood all on my fit

I admit

I ain’t shit

But they saying that I’m blessed

I ain’t seeing what they see

But I really need some help

I don’t wanna cry no more

wear this mask

look at me

I be lying and shit

and I know when this leaks

they’ll be prying and shit

tryna find them some shit

I don’t ever say a word

I just put it in a song

hoping that it numbs the hurt

think I’m dying and shit

blame it on anxiety

what’s it like in the end?

ask my granny why she leave

put that fire to the spiff

try to smoke away the pain

only way to get away

is with a bullet to the -

peace

celebrate when I make it

all the damage i’ve taken

I bow my head when I pray

I’m tryna move my momma outta state

away from the fakes

I dug this shit out the mud

they thought I was digging a grave

they ain’t have no faith

I know I’m one of them ones

you ain’t gotta tell me I’m great

I know that I’m straight

all that I needed was time

but how much you got?

think my biggest lesson was patience

I put the weed in a blunt

and roll that shit up

but that never stops me from thinking

see I over do it

never imagined me making some music

having somebody to vent to is crucial

but my sacrifice left me solo who knew it

but im standing strong

hope that I prove to them all

that they are who suffered a loss

I’m healing my heart

think it’s too big for my chest

I hope it don’t be my downfall

I think about ending it more often than you'd think.

this project was made in one night. I remember my family was chilling on the front porch. I could hear them laughing and joking. meanwhile I was inside, drunk and depressed. All I remember was feeling anger and sorrow. I turned on the mic and let it all out. Time was a blur, all I remember next is that bout time I got done, the sun was coming up. The last track 'peace' was added days later. I didn't want this project to end on a negative note. I love this project. It's short, but holds heavy weight. All of my truths.